You see, time has a way of giving, of taking, of showing the truth or the lies, – basically we are dependent on such a non existing phenomenon for everything in our lives. And yet it is this non existent “thing” that makes us, us. Makes us want to just move forward – because whatever time we are going through, the only specialty it has is that it just passes. Whether in a good or bad situation – it.just.passes. And that’s what we actually rely on, when we go through the worst in life. We wait for it to pass to take our current feelings away from us.
My aunt passed away on thursday. She was fighting cancer. I don’t know whether she was strong or not, to be honest I hardly knew her at all – all I knew about her that she was such a caring person, that, when we used to go stay at her place, she would even wake up at midnight to help with anything we needed. She never made us worry, took care of us like our mom would. Any time I spent with her, I never felt any negativity from her.She was such an angel.
I know that this is one loss, the one news that the way it reached me, I will never forget it.
She was in Pakistan. My mother left on Wednesday (to Islamabad, then she was to reach to my aunt in Karachi on thursday) to admit her in the hospital by Friday.We all were set on the optimistic thoughts that my mother would reach on time. We all just waited for that Friday that never came ( I know how I desperately waited for it; we had been planning for this, for her recovery and health for months – it was an impossible thought that anything else would happen as everything was planned, every resource we needed was available)
And then the news came in. My father was the one who gave it. I stood there then walked around and I knew it was true albeit the racking in my brain screaming out that it was a lie. I didn’t know what to do. Me – as a person, At that time I felt so helpless. All that hope that had been there in me for a whole year (that’s how long the disease caused her pain for) – it lingered in the form that was nothing but “its a lie”. I wanted to destroy that hope, blame it on God, blame it on us, blame it on time and our luck. Just a difference of one day, a few hours. If only we had known.
And deep down, that hope doesn’t go – I wished for her death to not be true and just had that hope there. You see, you can’t do anything. Nothing at all. All you can do it just try to calm yourself down. Trying to kill that hope that is so pathetically useless now.
She is gone now. All her time and pain gone with her. Only God knows how and what she suffered. We just had hope, she didn’t even have that for herself.
I never wanted to post this online and make it look like I crave sympathies. I don’t. I just wanted her loneliness and pain to be known – her to be known, And I wanted to give a message – don’t ever make yourself late with people, and especially with your family. You never know if everything will be the same as it is now in the next hour or not.